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Scene Map 58
# PG SLUGLINE
1 2
EXT INDUSTRIAL ESTATE, BRISBANE NIGHT
2 4
INT THE BAR NIGHT
3 7
INT MARCUS'S HOUSE - KITCHEN NIGHT
4 8
INT MARCUS'S HOUSE - STUDY NIGHT
5 9
INT THE BAR NIGHT
6 12
EXT STREET NEWSSTAND, BRISBANE NIGHT
7 13
INT THE BAR NIGHT
8 14
INT MARCUS'S FLAT NIGHT
9 15
EXT CRIME SCENE NIGHT
10 15
INT COURTROOM DAY
11 17
INT MARCUS'S FLAT - KITCHEN DAY
12 18
EXT INDUSTRIAL ESTATE DAY
13 19
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LIFT CONTINUOUS
14 20
INT STORAGE FACILITY - ADMINISTRATION OFFICE CONTINUOUS
15 20
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LEVEL FOUR, MAIN CORRIDOR
16 22
INT STORAGE FACILITY - SECOND LIFT LOBBY CONTINUOUS
17 22
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL CONTINUOUS
18 24
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, NEAR THE LIFT LATER
19 25
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE CONTINUOUS
20 27
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
21 28
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
22 29
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL DAY
23 30
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM
24 31
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
25 38
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
26 41
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM
27 42
INT MELINDA'S CAR NIGHT
28 42
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
29 46
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL NIGHT
30 47
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
31 51
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
32 53
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
33 54
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
34 55
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
35 55
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
36 56
EXT WESTFIELD CARINDALE DAY
37 59
EXT SHOPPING CENTRE CAR PARK DAY
38 60
INT STORAGE FACILITY - INSTALLATION SUITE MOMENTS LATER
39 66
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
40 67
INT THE BAR NIGHT
41 69
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
42 70
INT MELINDA'S FLAT NIGHT
43 72
INT MELINDA'S FLAT - WEDNESDAY NIGHT
44 73
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY MORNING
45 74
INT NEWSROOM DAY
46 75
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT
47 77
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT
48 84
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
49 86
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
50 87
INT MELINDA'S CAR NIGHT
51 91
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
52 92
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
53 93
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
54 93
EXT TELEVISION STUDIO CAR PARK, BRISBANE - FRIDAY, EARLY
55 96
INT MARCUS'S CAR CONTINUOUS
56 97
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY, EARLY MORNING
57 101
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY MORNING
58 102
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
Scene Map
58
# PG SLUGLINE
1 2
EXT INDUSTRIAL ESTATE, BRISBANE NIGHT
EXT. INDUSTRIAL ESTATE, BRISBANE - NIGHT
EXT. INDUSTRIAL ESTATE, BRISBANE - NIGHT 2009. Fewer buildings than there'll be later, more gaps between them, chain wire instead of anything smarter. A single sodium light over a loading bay, the colour every industrial estate had before anyone bothered upgrading them.
2 4
INT THE BAR NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT 9PM, MARCUS, mid-forties now, average build gone a bit soft round the shoulders, faded band shirt, pork pie hat, thick black-rimmed glasses, on the other side of the counter, wiping it down in slow circles.
3 7
INT MARCUS'S HOUSE - KITCHEN NIGHT
INT. MARCUS'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
INT. MARCUS'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT A three-bedroom place from the fifties, unrenovated, only occupied. Lino floor, the pattern worn pale in a path from the back door to the fridge. A clock on the wall that's stopped at twenty past four, nobody's bothered fixing it or
4 8
INT MARCUS'S HOUSE - STUDY NIGHT
INT. MARCUS'S HOUSE - STUDY - NIGHT
INT. MARCUS'S HOUSE - STUDY - NIGHT Continuous. A desk that's seen better decades, secondhand and never replaced. A lamp, the warm kind, throws a small circle of light over the surface and leaves the rest of the room in shadow.
5 9
INT THE BAR NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT Later. Past the dinner rush, past the last of the regulars too, Marcus left, glasses going back onto shelves, chairs starting to come up off the floor one by one. The door goes anyway, late as it is.
6 12
EXT STREET NEWSSTAND, BRISBANE NIGHT
EXT. STREET NEWSSTAND, BRISBANE - NIGHT
EXT. STREET NEWSSTAND, BRISBANE - NIGHT FIFTEEN YEARS EARLIER. A kiosk on the corner, metal shutter dragged up halfway, enough for the bundles to go through. A paper truck idles at the kerb behind it, hazards ticking over, the only sound on
7 13
INT THE BAR NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT Already loud when Marcus pushes through the door, paper still folded under his arm. Journos three deep at the counter, somebody's shout already half a beer ahead of the rest. MELINDA BATES, eighteen, cadet, sits a little apart from the
8 14
INT MARCUS'S FLAT NIGHT
INT. MARCUS'S FLAT - NIGHT
INT. MARCUS'S FLAT - NIGHT 1AM. The phone going off on the bedside table, light from the screen hitting the ceiling before the sound's landed. Marcus asleep, doona half off. On the bedside table, a cup of tea gone cold, maybe two days cold, and a stack of bills he
9 15
EXT CRIME SCENE NIGHT
EXT. CRIME SCENE - NIGHT
EXT. CRIME SCENE - NIGHT 2AM. Cold enough that breath shows. Crime tape strung across a doorway, snapping a little in the wind. A couple of uniforms standing around with their hands jammed in their jackets, stamping feet that have gone past the point of
10 15
INT COURTROOM DAY
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
INT. COURTROOM - DAY MONTHS LATER. Wood panelling gone dull under fluorescent light. Public gallery benches, worn pale down the middle where bodies have sat in the same spots for months running.
11 17
INT MARCUS'S FLAT - KITCHEN DAY
INT. MARCUS'S FLAT - KITCHEN - DAY
INT. MARCUS'S FLAT - KITCHEN - DAY THREE MONTHS LATER. Post on the kitchen table, left there since it arrived. Marcus picks it up eventually. Reads it standing at the bench.
12 18
EXT INDUSTRIAL ESTATE DAY
EXT. INDUSTRIAL ESTATE - DAY
EXT. INDUSTRIAL ESTATE - DAY All function. No face. Concrete tilt-up buildings running in rows, a few autonomous freight trucks backed up to roller doors, nobody around who isn't there for a specific reason. A delivery drone crosses low overhead and nobody looks up at
13 19
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LIFT CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LIFT - CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LIFT - CONTINUOUS A panel with five floors on it. Nothing marked. He picks one, more out of habit than plan. The doors close on him standing there, watching the numbers climb.
14 20
INT STORAGE FACILITY - ADMINISTRATION OFFICE CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - ADMINISTRATION OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - ADMINISTRATION OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Small. Functional. A desk, a filing cabinet, a terminal old enough that it looks almost quaint next to what's standard now. No server cage, no binders going back decades, nothing that reads as more than what it says on the door.
15 20
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LEVEL FOUR, MAIN CORRIDOR
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LEVEL FOUR, MAIN CORRIDOR -
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LEVEL FOUR, MAIN CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS Marcus comes out of the office as REBECCA FORD comes down the corridor already scanning the room. Except this time she doesn't.
16 22
INT STORAGE FACILITY - SECOND LIFT LOBBY CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - SECOND LIFT LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - SECOND LIFT LOBBY - CONTINUOUS Tucked around a corner past the ordinary lift bank, easy to miss at a glance, a second set of doors, unmarked, a single call button. Rebecca presses it without hesitation, practised ease.
17 22
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL - CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL - CONTINUOUS The doors open onto dark, same as upstairs. Then the lights. Same mechanism. Motion sensors, one row at a time, clicking on ahead of them as they step out. Except the row doesn't stop.
18 24
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, NEAR THE LIFT LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, NEAR THE LIFT - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, NEAR THE LIFT - LATER They've circled back. Rebecca's got somewhere to be, that particular energy of someone checking the time without checking a watch. She takes a set of keys from her jacket. Different ring to
19 25
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Heavier door than the one upstairs. The key turns slower, an older lock, or a better one. Inside: a proper room, the admin office upstairs was only pretending to be.
20 27
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER Marcus is still in Frank's chair when the door opens. Rebecca, same energy as always. She takes in the room. The binders open across the desk. Frank's face frozen on the terminal, mid-sentence, paused
21 28
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER He goes back through the binders, this time, not skimming for the shape of the thing but reading for the substance of it. He finds a folder near the bottom of the cabinet, older than the rest. Inside: consent forms.
22 29
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL - DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL - DAY Alone this time. No Rebecca setting the pace, nobody to keep up with or fall behind. He walks slower than he did the first time, close enough to the cases now to read the small reference plates set into the
23 30
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM -
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM - DAY He still has the key from the day she gave it to him. Never used it. Left whatever was behind this door for her to open when she was ready.
24 31
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER Rebecca comes in to find him waiting for her this time, both documents from upstairs squared on the desk, the piano file and the drawing-desk file stacked beside them, his own printed case number on top.
25 38
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY The binders remain open on the desk. Rebecca sits. Marcus moves to the window. REBECCA Three options.
26 41
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM -
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL, PRIVATE VIEWING ROOM - NIGHT Marcus sits in the private viewing room, jacket over the chair, phone face down beside the logbook. He watches the projection.
27 42
INT MELINDA'S CAR NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S CAR - NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S CAR - NIGHT Melinda, driving already, phone on speaker on the passenger seat when Marcus's name appears. MELINDA Where?
28 42
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER Melinda in the doorway, coat still on, taking in the binders, the photograph on the wall, the terminal, the whole strange, over-considered room. Marcus stands. His hands move towards his pockets, stop, then settle against the edge of the desk.
29 46
INT STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL - NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - LOWER LEVEL - NIGHT They walk the row together, Marcus setting the pace this time. Melinda slows at the first orb that catches her, the same way he once did. She doesn't ask what's in it. Doesn't need the explanation
30 47
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT Back upstairs. Two people in Frank's office now, the binders spread across the desk instead of squared along the shelves where he left them. Melinda takes out her phone.
31 51
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY Morning. The office looks different in daylight, which is to say worse. More ordinary. The kind of room people sign things in and go home from afterwards. Marcus has tidied the desk. Not clean exactly. Ordered.
32 53
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER Marcus has been at it a while. The terminal throws blue light across his face even in daylight, the screen too bright for the room. Three binders open on the desk beside the keyboard, cross-
33 54
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY Marcus wakes the terminal the way he has every day this week. Same login. Different result. Fields that were editable aren't. A column that showed him raw client data now shows him a summary instead, tidied,
34 55
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY Marcus works down the SCHEDULED list. Three names. Friday. Restoration windows still marked OPEN. He doesn't reverse the codes on any of them tonight. Not yet. A separate record sits filed adjacent to the three, flagged
35 55
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT Marcus opens a new tab and starts going through the extraction records more carefully. The ones before the sale. The originals.
36 56
EXT WESTFIELD CARINDALE DAY
EXT. WESTFIELD CARINDALE - DAY
EXT. WESTFIELD CARINDALE - DAY A shopping centre on the southside, the kind that's been extended twice since it was built and has lost the thread of what it was originally meant to be. A food court, a discount department store, a dozen clothing
37 59
EXT SHOPPING CENTRE CAR PARK DAY
EXT. SHOPPING CENTRE CAR PARK - DAY
EXT. SHOPPING CENTRE CAR PARK - DAY Marcus sits in his car without starting it. Pulls out his notebook. Writes the word DOCUMENTARY under her name, underlines it once, then a second time, hard enough that the pen nearly goes through the page.
38 60
INT STORAGE FACILITY - INSTALLATION SUITE MOMENTS LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - INSTALLATION SUITE - MOMENTS LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - INSTALLATION SUITE - MOMENTS LATER A room further along the row, warmer than everywhere else down here. A reclining chair of the kind you'd find in a medical aesthetics clinic, well-upholstered, adjustable, with a side
39 66
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY Marcus returns from the installation suite. The office is empty. Rebecca's temporary access remains active. He opens the administrative view.
40 67
INT THE BAR NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT
INT. THE BAR - NIGHT Not busy enough to hide in, not empty enough to talk freely. The worst kind of in-between. Melinda takes her usual stool. Marcus has the gin and lime tonic waiting.
41 69
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT Late. Marcus has been at the desk for hours. Two empty coffee cups from the vending machine down the corridor. A notepad filled on both sides. He finds the transmission protocols in the architecture
42 70
INT MELINDA'S FLAT NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S FLAT - NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S FLAT - NIGHT Melinda at her table, laptop open, corporate records spread around it. MELINDA Tell me you found something that
43 72
INT MELINDA'S FLAT - WEDNESDAY NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S FLAT - WEDNESDAY NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S FLAT - WEDNESDAY NIGHT Melinda on the phone, notebook balanced on her knee, a source clearly not enjoying the conversation on the other end. MELINDA I'm not asking you to confirm
44 73
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY MORNING
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY MORNING
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY MORNING Marcus back through the oldest binders, not looking for anything specific this time, turning pages. He stops on a page he's passed before without seeing it. A funding acknowledgement, formal, dated decades back, a
45 74
INT NEWSROOM DAY
INT. NEWSROOM - DAY
INT. NEWSROOM - DAY A newsroom that's less room than row of desks now, everyone doing three jobs and pretending the second two were always part of the first. Melinda comes in carrying coffee she hasn't drunk. KERR, late
46 75
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT Marcus, binders stacked differently than before, a system to the mess now rather than a mess. His phone buzzes on the desk. Melinda's text. He reads it once. Doesn't reply. Starts clearing a space at the desk instead.
47 77
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - THURSDAY NIGHT Marcus is still at the desk when he hears the roller door upstairs, then footsteps on the stairwell rather than the lift. More than one set. Rebecca appears in the doorway first. Behind her, a man in a
48 84
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER Marcus plugs in the drive. One file. Video. He looks at the runtime before he presses play. Four minutes, eleven seconds. He checks the number again, like it might change.
49 86
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER Marcus goes looking for something to do with his hands again, the same instinct that had him try the technical workarounds a week ago. He pulls a folder he's already been through once, near the
50 87
INT MELINDA'S CAR NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S CAR - NIGHT
INT. MELINDA'S CAR - NIGHT Melinda parked somewhere she shouldn't be parked, hazard lights ticking softly, registry printouts and handwritten notes spread across the passenger seat. MELINDA
51 91
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT Marcus opens a new message. Types Melinda's name into the field. The cursor blinks in the empty body. Starts. Deletes it.
52 92
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - NIGHT Still dark outside. Marcus hasn't slept, hasn't tried to. He goes back to the folder from earlier, the one with the raw, hard-pressed page in it, looking for whatever else got filed out of sequence around it.
53 93
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - LATER Marcus going through a filing box he hasn't opened yet, further back in the cabinet than the operational binders. Estate documents. Ownership transfer paperwork. His own name on a line he hasn't read until now, OWNER/OPERATOR OF RECORD,
54 93
EXT TELEVISION STUDIO CAR PARK, BRISBANE - FRIDAY, EARLY
EXT. TELEVISION STUDIO CAR PARK, BRISBANE - FRIDAY, EARLY
EXT. TELEVISION STUDIO CAR PARK, BRISBANE - FRIDAY, EARLY MORNING A low-rise media building, satellite dishes on the roof, a boom gate and a security booth that barely bothers checking anyone leaving. Talent car spaces closer to the door than
55 96
INT MARCUS'S CAR CONTINUOUS
INT. MARCUS'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
INT. MARCUS'S CAR - CONTINUOUS Marcus sits behind the wheel without starting it. Takes out his phone. Opens the fake account.
56 97
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY, EARLY MORNING
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY, EARLY MORNING
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY, EARLY MORNING Marcus has slept in the chair, or close enough. Rebecca's car pulls in. He hears it from here now, that particular rattle unmistakable. She comes to the office door. Doesn't knock.
57 101
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY MORNING
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY MORNING
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - FRIDAY MORNING The terminal clock changes to 8:59. Somewhere beyond the office, the lift arrives. Voices in the corridor. An adult speaking softly. A child answering. Then another.
58 102
INT STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY
INT. STORAGE FACILITY - REAL OFFICE - DAY The clock changes. And changes again. Nothing on the terminal moves. Nothing outside the door does either. Marcus doesn't touch the keyboard.

Telos

A man whose instinct to act was stolen from him at age five is handed the power to return everyone else's stolen futures, but the one thing he can't get back is his own—forcing him to choose between saving strangers and saving himself.

See other logline suggestions

Overview

Poster
Unique Selling Proposition

A speculative conspiracy unfolds through estate law, corporate records and restrained moral interrogation rather than action spectacle, connecting one man's private guilt to a class system that converts poor children's futures into advantages for wealthy families.

AI Verdict

Model upgrade — March 31, 2026
Verdicts are often harsher under the new readers, but the analysis is significantly stronger. Under the previous models, this script would have scored:
The scoring scale changed with the upgrade — use these only to compare against earlier revisions of this script. Click any reader to open their full legacy review.
◆ DEEP FOCUS Read by five frontier models — each reader ran its lab’s strongest reasoning model.

How to read these: in industry coverage, Pass is the default outcome for the majority of professional scripts, and Consider means the reader stayed in the room. Industry-wide, the median professional evaluation sits at a 6 — scores of 8+ are rare everywhere, on purpose.


Synthesis Where readers agree and split
7.3

A distinctive, morally complex speculative drama with exceptional atmospheric control and a championable ethical engine, requiring targeted revision to convert passive investigation into active dramatic pressure and clarify the mechanics of its final choice before it can be championed.

Readers read as Specialty3 Prestige2 majority
Genres Drama4 Sci fi4 Thriller4

A specialty-prestige sci-fi drama aiming for cumulative moral and emotional pressure through restrained conflict, bureaucratic discovery, and an unresolved ethical dilemma.

Readers split on the contract lane: three read this as specialty, two as prestige. The split traces to tonal register in the back half — the specialty read sees deliberate institutional restraint, the prestige read sees a broader philosophical architecture that pushes toward elevated commercial accessibility.

Why not lower

The script has a strong, controlled voice and a thematic intelligence that consistently prevents it from feeling generic or aimless; the foundational craft is solid.

Why not higher

The structural slack in the second act and the mechanically underdetermined ending create a gap between the script's ambition and its read impact that currently prevents full endorsement.

Rewrite map

A script with a distinctive, morally complex speculative premise and controlled observational prose that needs targeted revision to convert its mid-act procedural loop into active dramatic pressure and clarify the mechanics of its final choice.

Readers read as Specialty3 Prestige2 majority

Start here

Converting mid-act paper-trail discoveries into compulsory encounters or active obstructions addresses both the procedural momentum stall and the late decision dilution, forcing Marcus into irreversible choices that naturally clarify the climax.

Protect while fixing 2
Atmospheric tension through observed detail

Compressing the mid-act investigation risks sanding down the quiet, concrete behavioral writing that generates the script’s immersive dread.

When trimming research sequences, cut restated rules first and preserve the specific physical details and moments of stillness that make the facility feel continuous with ordinary life.

Moral ambiguity as active dramatic tension

Forcing irreversible choices or clarifying the ending mechanics could accidentally tip the ethical balance toward a clean, easily defensible position.

Ensure every new action or consequence maintains the equal cost of all three terminal options, preserving the sense that the moral structure is genuinely irresolvable.

Fix first 3
Mid-act procedural loop stalls momentum

The reader loses forward pull as scenes accumulate information without changing the protagonist's immediate options or raising personal stakes.

Root cause

The script dramatizes systemic discovery through solitary reading and terminal searches, which lack external opposition or immediate consequence.

One direction

Convert selected paper-trail discoveries into compulsory encounters or active obstructions so each major reveal forces a behavioral shift or access loss.

Late decision pressure diluted by option restatement

The reader experiences rising conceptual stakes without matching scene-to-scene necessity, making the final keystroke feel deferred rather than inevitable.

Root cause

The back half repeatedly restates the terminal menu and covenant rules instead of forcing irreversible intermediate choices that narrow Marcus's escape routes.

One direction

Collapse late protocol restatements into fewer irreversible forks before noon, so each remaining scene removes an exit rather than re-explaining the menu.

Thematic dialogue overtakes dramatic action Medium confidence

The reader is periodically told the argument the scenes are already staging, which flattens discovery into confirmation and reduces tension.

Root cause

Key confrontations explicitly articulate the script’s moral frame in direct thesis exchanges, converting behavioral tension into completed debate.

One direction

Strip selected thesis lines and force the same meanings through incompatible actions, withheld answers, or procedural consequences the characters cannot elegantly summarize.

Your decisions 2
Late personal convergence: structural contaminant vs. emotional coda Consequential
Side A

Committing to the structural contaminant path means seeding the Callum and Emma connections earlier so the middle investigation is already emotionally compromised, raising personal stakes throughout.

Side B

Committing to the emotional coda path means keeping the reveals late and isolated, preserving the clean procedural dread of the middle act at the cost of retroactive reorganization.

Ending ambiguity: earned thematic restraint vs. mechanical clarity Consequential
Side A

Committing to earned restraint means preserving the blackout keystroke and trusting the accumulated moral weight to land without a visible outcome.

Side B

Committing to mechanical clarity means showing a concrete chosen action or consequence before fade-out, ensuring the reader distinguishes thematic ambiguity from unresolved plot mechanics.

Ask AI about this read
Would readers champion it · Rewrite depth · Voice · Score stability
What's working 4 of 5 readers agree

The script sustains an unusually coherent and distinctive atmosphere, rooting a high-concept speculative premise in bureaucratic banality and profound emotional resonance that creates a genuinely championable ethical engine.

What's blocking All 5 readers agree

The second half's dramatic momentum stalls after the midpoint, shifting from active discovery into a pattern of deliberation and file-reading that flattens urgency and makes the central choice feel more intellectually argued than dramatically inevitable.

Would readers champion it?
Not yetNot yetReaders wouldn’t actively push for it.
Early interestEarly interestMentioned, but no real push behind it.
ModeratelyModeratelyMentioned favorably to the right buyer.
StronglyStronglyActively championed across their network.
DeepSeekModeratelyGrokModeratelyGPT5StronglyGeminiStrongly
How much rewrite does it need?
Start from scratchStart from scratchPremise or core engine isn’t working. Page-one rebuild.
Structural rewriteStructural rewriteSpecific acts or zones need rebuilding — not starting over, but significant revision work on those sections.
Targeted rewriteTargeted rewriteSpecific scenes or threads need rework. ~1 month.
Just polishJust polishLines and pacing tweaks. A few weeks.
DeepSeekTargeted rewriteGeminiTargeted rewriteGrokTargeted rewriteGPT5Structural rewrite
How distinctive is the voice?
GenericGenericReads like other scripts in the genre.
EmergingEmergingHints of a distinctive voice, not yet locked in.
DistinctiveDistinctiveA clear, recognizable authorial voice.
One-of-a-kindOne-of-a-kindA voice that couldn’t be anyone else’s.
DeepSeekDistinctiveGrokDistinctiveGPT5One-of-a-kindGeminiOne-of-a-kind

On the score: The score sits between two verdicts — small changes in either direction could flip it.

Story Facts
Genres:
Drama 60% Thriller 40% Science Fiction 30% Crime 20%

Setting: 2009 to present day (with flashbacks to 1998 and earlier), Brisbane, Australia (industrial estate, bar, flats, storage facility, courtroom, newsroom)

Themes: Stolen potential and lost identity, Moral responsibility and guilt, Systemic exploitation and inequality, Choice and consequence, Isolation and human connection, Memory and forgetting, Family and legacy

Conflict & Stakes: Marcus must decide whether to reclaim his stolen potential, destroy the extraction system (at the cost of his own identity), or perpetuate the exploitation. The stakes include the futures of three children scheduled for irreversible installations, the fate of dozens of extracted individuals, and Marcus's own moral redemption.

Mood: Quiet, tense, melancholic, and introspective, with an undercurrent of dread and moral weight.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: A facility that extracts and sells children's potential (talent, ambition) to wealthy families, with the protagonist discovering his own was stolen as a child.
  • Plot Twist: Marcus learns that Frank Morrison, the man who extracted his potential, is also the father of Emma Reeves, the woman whose death Marcus inadvertently caused.
  • Plot Twist: The RETURN_ALL protocol will destroy Marcus's own identity because his extracted potential is flagged as incompatible, forcing him to choose between saving others and losing himself.
  • Distinctive Setting: The hidden lower level of a storage facility, filled with glowing orbs containing extracted human potential, creates a haunting, otherworldly atmosphere.
  • Innovative Idea: The concept of 'extraction' as a literal removal of a child's innate talent or drive, which can then be installed in another person, raises profound ethical questions.
  • Genre Blend: A slow-burn psychological thriller with sci-fi elements, noirish detective work, and a melancholic character study.

Comparable Scripts: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Giver, Arrival, Minority Report, Never Let Me Go, Dark City, The Truman Show, Blade Runner, Memento, The Adjustment Bureau

How 5 AI Readers Scored The Script

Readers graded as Specialty3 Prestige2 majority
◆ Deep Focus Claude Opus 5 GPT-5.6 Sol Gemini 3.1 Pro DeepSeek V4 Pro Grok 4.5 Average spread Row tint: weak mid strong excellent
Premise i
8.2
Plot i
7.0
Structure i
7.4
Character i
8.0
Dialogue i
7.8
Tone / Voice i
8.6
Theme i
8.4
Marketability i
7.0

Script Level Analysis

Writer Exec

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

Overall Score: 8.51
Key Suggestions:
The analysis consistently points to two key creative opportunities: first, the middle act (scenes 32-44) becomes overly procedural with extended binder research and parallel investigations, risking a loss of narrative momentum. Condensing these sequences into montages or revealing information through character interaction would maintain tension. Second, Marcus's internal conflict is powerfully rendered through gesture and silence, but occasional externalization—a brief line of interiority or a visceral physical reaction—could deepen audience connection at pivotal moments (e.g., the discovery of his own extraction room, the final choice). These adjustments would amplify the script's emotional resonance without compromising its restrained tone.
Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

Key Suggestions:
The critique highlights a compelling moral dilemma and strong emotional core but points to a sagging middle act bogged down by repetitive exploration and exposition. To improve pacing, condense multiple file-reading scenes into a single discovery montage, and introduce the Callum Ford connection earlier to build emotional dread. Also deepen Rebecca's character with a personal scene explaining her pragmatic ruthlessness, and clarify the three options' consequences earlier to sharpen dramatic tension. The ambiguous ending is thematically bold but risks leaving audiences unsatisfied; consider a brief visual coda (e.g., orbs changing color) or a close-up on Marcus's face after the click to provide catharsis while preserving ambiguity.
Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

Key Suggestions:
The character analysis reveals strong foundations but suggests several targeted refinements. Marcus’s arc from passive victim to decisive actor is compelling, but his backslide after the installation scene (where he fails to stop it) could be deepened with a private moment of near-surrender. The final ambiguous click is powerful but risks audience frustration; a subtle visual or audio cue (e.g., a second click, a change in the orbs’ light) would clarify intent without sacrificing ambiguity. Melinda is a well-drawn moral anchor, but giving her a personal stake (e.g., a parallel past failure) would heighten her investment. Rebecca’s absence of an arc works thematically, but a single moment of vulnerability (e.g., watching the child’s terror after Marcus leaves) would add tragic depth. Frank’s guilt is palpable, but showing his pre-death attempt to contact Emma’s mother or destroy a file would make his passivity more tragic. Overall, the script’s emotional and thematic architecture is solid; the remaining work is in the cracks—adding texture to key beats and ensuring no character is purely functional.
Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

Key Suggestions:
The script's emotional palette is too narrow, relying heavily on melancholy and suspense with almost no moments of joy, warmth, or triumph. This monotony risks audience fatigue, especially during the long investigative middle section. To improve, insert brief flashes of shared humor between Marcus and Melinda, a bittersweet memory of Marcus's daughter, and a moment of awe (e.g., a restored child's potential) near the end. Also, make the child victims more relatable by giving them names, a brief happy vignette, or a personal object—this will personalize the stakes and deepen empathy. The final ambiguous click needs a clearer emotional anchor, such as a flash to a child's smile or Marcus's daughter's photo, to ensure catharsis.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

Key Suggestions:
The analysis reveals that Marcus's internal arc—from emotional numbness to a self-sacrificing choice—is the script's emotional backbone. The resolution of the philosophical conflict (utilitarian progress vs. individual rights) hinges on his final act at the terminal. To strengthen the script, ensure that Marcus's decision feels earned through the gradual accumulation of discoveries (Emma's identity, Frank's guilt, the cost of RETURN_ALL). The ambiguity of the final keystroke is powerful, but the narrative should leave no doubt that Marcus is choosing self-destruction for the sake of others, not merely a default option.
Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

Key Suggestions:
The theme analysis highlights a powerful through-line: Marcus's extracted potential is the core metaphor for his entire arc. The interweaving of personal guilt (Emma), systemic exploitation (the facility), and the final choice at the terminal creates a tight, resonant structure. To elevate the script, ensure that every scene reinforces this connection—for example, Marcus's passive gestures (wiping surfaces, not sending birthday cards) should feel like direct echoes of the extraction. The emotional climax depends on the audience feeling the weight of each option; consider sharpening the visual and sensory contrasts between the three paths to make the final keystroke land with maximum impact.
Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

Key Suggestions:
The script has strong thematic bones but is weighed down by redundant investigative scenes in the second half. Consolidate file-room discoveries into fewer, distinct reversals—extraction rules, the commercial network, Frank's personal motive, and Marcus's legal entrapment—to sustain momentum. Clarify the restoration rules (what is non-reversible vs. returnable) and the timeline transitions out of the flashback (add a clear present-day marker before scene 11). Deepen Marcus's passive complicity during Daniel's installation by giving him a clearer motive (fear, evidence-gathering, or paralysis) so it doesn't read as authorial convenience. Finally, vary dialogue cadences among the five main speakers to avoid uniform polished aphorisms.

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
Go to Scene Analysis

Other Analyses

Writer Exec

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

Key Suggestions:
Your voice excels at using precise physical details and restrained action to build quiet, cumulative emotional resonance—as seen in the courtroom scene. To maximize impact, consider whether occasional moments of slightly more overt inner life (e.g., a brief visceral reaction or a single line of internal monologue) could deepen reader empathy without sacrificing the cool, forensic tone you’ve honed. The power is in the tension between the clinical surface and the submerged feeling; lean into that gap, but ensure the reader always knows what the character feels, even if only through a carefully chosen gesture.
Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

Key Suggestions:
The analysis reveals that your script's strength lies in its restrained, atmospheric storytelling and precise physical detail. However, the consistent lack of dramatic tension, conflict, and forward momentum undermines emotional engagement. Marcus is often passive and reactive, and scenes lack clear stakes or turning points. To elevate the script, introduce micro-conflicts, give Marcus specific wants in each scene, and ensure every scene has a change in value—even in quiet moments. Study how restrained dramas like 'Manchester by the Sea' and 'Ex Machina' create urgency within stillness. Practice rewriting scenes with no dialogue or with a single obstacle to internalize these principles.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

Key Suggestions:
The world is richly built with a compelling contrast between banal surfaces and hidden exploitation. To maximize dramatic impact, ensure the technology's rules (extraction window, irreversible installations, RETURN_ALL flag) are crystal clear to the audience by the climax, as they drive the protagonist's final choice. The passive protagonist works thematically, but his arc must culminate in an active, decisive moment that feels earned—not just a reaction. The emotional stakes (Frank's daughter, Marcus's own lost potential) need to land hard; avoid burying them under procedural detail.
Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

Key Suggestions:
The script analysis returned no scored evaluations across any category (Tone, Grade, Concept, etc.), indicating that the scoring process was either not completed or all values were reset. This means no craft insights, patterns, or correlations can be drawn from the current data. The first priority is to ensure the script is properly graded on each dimension so that meaningful feedback on plot, character, dialogue, and emotional impact can be generated. Without this foundational input, further analysis is impossible.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

Comparison with Previous Draft

See how your script has evolved from the previous version. This section highlights improvements, regressions, and changes across all major categories, helping you understand what revisions are working and what may need more attention.

Version Comparison Analysis
Summary of Changes
Improvements (3)
  • Story Structure: 7.9 → 8.5 +0.6
  • Theme: 8.9 → 9.4 +0.5
  • Conflict: 7.9 → 8.3 +0.4
Areas to Review (1)
  • Visual Imagery: 8.3 → 7.8 -0.5