The Twelfth Moon Major Revision

When a veteran Ranger obsessed with the disappearance of her grandfather uncovers evidence that missing colony ships were sent to mine a strange golden resource, she leads a ragtag crew into the Mentac System — only to find a living moon that 'mines' humans and a military conspiracy willing to kill to keep the secret.

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Overview

Poster
Unique Selling Point

The script's unique selling proposition is its chilling premise that the universe's most valuable energy source isn't mined but consumes living beings, creating a powerful metaphor for resource exploitation. The combination of personal revenge story with large-scale conspiracy, plus the visceral horror of a living planet that feeds on humans, distinguishes it from standard space operas.

AI Verdict & Suggestions

Ratings are subjective. So you get different engines' ratings to compare.

Hover over verdict cards for Executive Summaries

GPT5
 Recommend
Gemini
 Consider
Claude
 Recommend
Grok
 Consider
DeepSeek
 Consider
Average Score: 7.3
Key Takeaways
For the Writer:
To enhance the script's craft, focus on refining the pacing by streamlining exposition-heavy scenes into more dynamic, visual discoveries, ensuring antagonist motivations are clearly defined with deeper personal stakes, and solidifying the rules of Soladar for consistent world-building. Additionally, develop supporting characters beyond archetypes to heighten emotional resonance, and craft a more definitive resolution to key arcs, transforming the narrative from a gripping setup into a fully satisfying thriller that balances action, horror, and drama.
For Executives:
This script has solid market potential in the sci-fi thriller genre with its unique 'living moon' concept and emotional core, appealing to fans of Alien or Interstellar, but it carries risks from uneven pacing and unresolved plot threads that could confuse audiences or lead to negative reviews. Value lies in its high-concept hook and visual spectacle for mid-budget production, yet it requires significant revisions to avoid common pitfalls like exposition dumps and underdeveloped characters, which might limit its commercial viability without polish.
Story Facts
Genres:
Science Fiction 45% Action 35% Thriller 30% Drama 35% Horror 20% War 15%

Setting: Distant future, Various locations in deep space, including moons, spaceships, and a post-apocalyptic Earth

Themes: The Corrupting Influence of Greed and Exploitation, Loss, Grief, and the Search for Justice, The Nature of Survival and Resilience, Deception, Cover-ups, and the Quest for Truth, The Power and Peril of Advanced Technology and Scientific Discovery, The Fragility of Human Connection and Sacrifice, Existential Threats and the Unsettling Nature of the Unknown

Conflict & Stakes: The crew's struggle for survival against hostile environments and the sentient substance Soladar, while uncovering a conspiracy linked to their pasts and the fate of lost colony ships.

Mood: Tense and suspenseful, with moments of camaraderie and emotional depth.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The sentient substance Soladar that poses a threat to the crew, creating a unique survival challenge.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation that the moon is alive and has been orchestrating events to harvest the crew.
  • Innovative Ideas: The use of metal shoes to traverse a hazardous terrain, blending sci-fi with practical survival tactics.
  • Distinctive Setting: The alien moon of Rezela, with its shifting ground and golden lakes, providing a visually striking backdrop.

Comparable Scripts: Event Horizon, The Martian, Interstellar, The Expanse (TV Series), Gravity, Alien, Lost in Space (TV Series), Annihilation, Battlestar Galactica (2004)

Script Level Analysis

Writer Exec

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

Overall Score: 7.74
Key Suggestions:
To elevate the script's emotional depth and audience engagement, focus on fleshing out supporting characters' backstories and motivations, as this will make their arcs more compelling and relatable. Additionally, refine pacing by tightening exposition-heavy scenes and integrating themes more seamlessly into character interactions, drawing from successful examples in character-driven sci-fi like 'The Martian' or 'Interstellar' to ensure a more immersive and impactful narrative.
Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

Key Suggestions:
To refine 'The Twelfth Moon', focus on simplifying the plot by cutting unnecessary subplots and ensuring character arcs directly support the core themes of loss and conspiracy. Enhance emotional depth by expanding backstories and motivations, particularly for secondary characters, to make their fates more impactful. Smooth out abrupt scene transitions and pacing issues by incorporating more reflective moments, allowing for greater audience connection and suspense, ultimately strengthening the script's sci-fi elements and personal drama.
Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

Key Suggestions:
The character analysis reveals that while the script has a solid foundation with well-defined protagonists like Cain, supporting characters such as Crimmage and Thompson lack depth in their arcs and emotional resonance, which could be enhanced by exploring backstories, vulnerabilities, and growth opportunities. To improve the script's craft, focus on integrating more nuanced internal conflicts and relational dynamics, ensuring that characters evolve meaningfully to heighten tension and audience investment, particularly in high-stakes sci-fi narratives where emotional depth drives engagement.
Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

Key Suggestions:
To enhance the script's emotional resonance, focus on deepening character backstories and integrating more reflective moments in high-stakes scenes. By addressing abrupt emotional shifts and underdeveloped secondary characters, the writer can create a more nuanced and engaging narrative that fosters stronger audience connections, ultimately elevating the story's craft and emotional depth.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

Key Suggestions:
The analysis reveals a strong character arc for Cain, emphasizing her evolution from a guarded leader to one who embraces sacrifice, driven by themes of truth versus secrecy. To improve the script creatively, focus on amplifying the emotional depth in key scenes, such as her internal conflicts and flashbacks, to heighten audience connection and ensure that philosophical elements are seamlessly integrated into the action, avoiding exposition-heavy moments that could dilute tension and character authenticity.
Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

Key Suggestions:
From a creative standpoint, the script effectively weaves multiple themes around corporate greed, but to enhance its craft, focus on deepening character arcs, particularly Carla Cain's journey of grief and justice, to make emotional beats more resonant and less reliant on exposition. Integrating the existential threats of Soladar more seamlessly into the narrative could heighten tension and avoid feeling contrived, ensuring the story's pace maintains momentum while allowing themes to emerge organically through action and dialogue rather than heavy-handed reveals.
Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

Key Suggestions:
The script's inconsistencies, such as unmotivated character actions and unresolved plot holes, weaken its narrative tension and immersion, making events feel contrived rather than organic. To improve, focus on building character motivations more authentically, clarifying logical gaps in the story's world-building, and reducing redundancies in themes like Soladar's mysteries to create a tighter, more engaging sci-fi thriller that better leverages its conspiracy and survival elements for emotional depth and pacing.

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
Go to Scene Analysis

Other Analyses

Writer Exec

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

Key Suggestions:
Leverage the script's strong voice in action and dialogue by focusing on tightening pacing in quieter scenes and deepening emotional connections, such as expanding on characters' personal stakes with Soladar, to create a more immersive and resonant narrative. This will enhance the overall tension and make the mystery more engaging, building on the effective blend of technical detail and human elements already present.
Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

Key Suggestions:
The script's strengths lie in its engaging action and character dynamics, but to elevate it creatively, focus on infusing dialogue with more subtext and unique voices, refining pacing for smoother tension builds, and deepening character backstories to heighten emotional stakes, ultimately creating a more immersive and resonant narrative.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

Key Suggestions:
The script's world-building is robust, effectively using elements like harsh space environments and societal secrecy to drive tension and themes. To enhance it creatively, focus on integrating these elements more deeply into character arcs and emotional moments, such as Carla Cain's personal quest, to avoid feeling formulaic; this could involve more nuanced interactions with technology and culture to heighten stakes and make the narrative more immersive and character-driven.
Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

Key Suggestions:
The script's analysis reveals opportunities to strengthen emotional authenticity by integrating deeper character development into high-stakes scenes, ensuring that humor and dialogue enhance rather than dilute tension and plot progression. By focusing on subtle character arcs in mystery and informative sections, the writer can create a more balanced narrative that resonates deeply with audiences, transforming plot-driven intensity into a compelling, character-centric story without overwhelming the sci-fi elements.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.

Comparison with Previous Draft

See how your script has evolved from the previous version. This section highlights improvements, regressions, and changes across all major categories, helping you understand what revisions are working and what may need more attention.

Version Comparison Analysis
Summary of Changes
Improvements (5)
  • Conflict - resolutionSatisfaction: 6.0 → 7.0 +1.0
  • Character Complexity - characterArcs: 7.0 → 8.0 +1.0
  • Character Complexity - antagonistDevelopment: 6.0 → 7.0 +1.0
  • Story Structure - plotComplexity: 7.0 → 8.0 +1.0
  • Story Structure - conflictAndStakes: 7.0 → 8.0 +1.0
Areas to Review (0)

No regressions detected